


Pumpkin Problems

by NervousOtaku (orphan_account)



Series: Tales of a 144 Player Fansession! [12]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Pumpkins, SBURB Fan Session, This Is STUPID, Time Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-10-06 20:31:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10344015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/NervousOtaku
Summary: Or: Dear Paradoxal Space, I Would Greatly Appreciate It If You Stopped Fucking With The Goddamn Pumpkins!





	

“This is Alan's planet, right?” Mariam asked, looking around.

“It _should_ be.” Devon replied with a frown.

“And he said he had no plans to visit anyone else's planets for a while, so where _is_ he?”

The Sylph of Mind and Rogue of Space were referring to the Heir of Time. They were taking time off of their respective quests in order to get to know the other members of their one-hundred and forty-four player session better. By extension, everyone technically knew everyone. The Blood players could be thanked for that. However, each little group of friends was still in the process of getting to know others more. Such as Mariam, Devon, and Caitlin. The Seer of Time was off doing her own thing at the moment, and was already well-acquainted with many of the other players. Devon attributed it to her Time-shenanigans, while Mariam said it had more to do with Caitlin's prowess as a social chameleon.

Back to the topic at hand.

Mariam and Devon were currently on LOPAD, the Land of Pumpkins and Dance, looking for Alan.

“Did he make plans and forget to tell us?” Devon mumbled, wringing the hem of his shirt in his hands.

“That doesn't seem like— _Aah!_ ”

Mariam tripped over a pumpkin, tumbling forward. A loud, pained grunt sounded as she landed, startling both her and the Rogue of Space.

“... Um... Alan...?” Mariam squeaked, pushing herself up.

“No. I'm Jack Skellington, the motherfucking Pumpkin King.” the boy under her grumbled.

He was sprawled out as if someone had clobbered him in the back of the head. It looked like he'd been there for a while.

“... Um...”

“It's been a rough day.” Alan muttered darkly. Heaving a sigh, he slowly got to his feet. “I'm assuming you two are Mariam and Devon?”

“Yeah, that's us.” Devon nodded warily as Alan offered his hand to shake. “Uh, it might not be the best question to ask, but... what happened...?”

A scowl crept back onto Alan's face.

“I got brained with a pumpkin.”

“ _What?!_ Who hit you?!” Mariam fretted, already gently tugging Alan down to examine his head.

“Probably someone several universes away.”

“Come again?” Devon asked in confusion.

Before the Heir could explain, the ground shook with the approach of an ogre. Mariam's tasers came out, and Devon produced his Colossal Razor-Nib Fountain Pen. Alan didn't get out his weapon, staring dully as the huge underling approached. As it got close, he even started a countdown on his fingers.

Right as all of Alan's fingers folded down, an enormous pumpkin appearified above the ogre.

The gourd fell on the underling, turning it into grist, and the pumpkin itself exploded as it hit the ground.

“... Had it survived, that would've been a whole new level on the echeladder.” Mariam commented as she wiped the pumpkin-guts from her face.

“... That... happens _often_...?” Devon demanded of Alan.

“The Heir becomes their Aspect, inspires change through it, and is protected by it.” Alan muttered.

“What do _pumpkins_ have to do with _that?!_ ” the two half-yelled.

“They're immune to paradoxal time-space laws, so _anyone_ can sendificate or appearify _any_ goddamn pumpkin that has not been obliterated or eaten. And I'm on a _planet_. Of goddamn. Fucking. _Pumpkins_.”

It took a moment for that to sink in.

Once it did, the Sylph and the Rogue's jaws dropped.

“ _Yeah_.” Alan nodded.

“... There's not exactly much to do, and it's not the most exciting thing, but do you want to come to LOOAF and help me mess around with frogs?” Devon offered.

“Marry me. Let's go.”


End file.
